so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
