A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
