So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
