He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
