So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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