It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
