it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
