You're completely useless in the revolution.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
