i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
her facebook's as public as her vagina
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
