We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
