So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
