i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
