if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
