sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize