I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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