Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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