If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
