your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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