Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
