so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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