I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
