office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
