There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
