a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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