just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I need a burrito and a hug.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
