Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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