Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Someone signed my nipple.
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