Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize