i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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