Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
