Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
