If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
