How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
