i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize