She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
did you just send me my own nude
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
