no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
