Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
