Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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