Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
