i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Randomize
