I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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