I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
