im drinking this country out of the recession.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
