soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
