i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
