I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
