You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Damn victory sex feels great
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
