I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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