You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
