So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
