i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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