so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
