Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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