I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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