He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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