This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
