i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
