can we get nightvision for the apartment?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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