Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
