My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You left your phone here
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