Fine. I'll sleep in my office
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
