I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
