Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
