I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
