drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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