Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
