I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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