I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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