a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
