I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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